Acceptance

Still listening to Penderecki. Still lost.

It’s hard to understand where you are going when you don’t even know where you are. And that is perhaps the closest I can come to understanding my situation. The day I started this blog, was perhaps the lowest point in my life, I’m not saying that these four days have changed me, but I’m definitely not where I was back then.

It’s calmer now. Serene. The dust has settled. That does not mean it’s less dirty. Just livable. Like the day after the storm. Broken things, debris all around but the comforting assurance that the destruction has seized.

I think I’m becoming an economist. Not the numbers kind. The behavioral kind. The one thing I’ve come to realize is that people are inherently selfish. Morality is a farce. Exceptions may exist. They should. But there’s a reason they’re called exceptions.

Do people matter though?

Not anymore.

Isn’t it funny? Forming hasty generalizations about people when you don’t even know who you are.

I need a fucking break. A Cigarette.

_______________________________

So where was I?

Ah, yes. Broken.

I don’t think there’s anything down the road now. Just pitch black. I need to start over. I need a restructuring. I need some time alone.

This is what I’ve decided my next two months are going to be. Rehabilitation. Because frankly, the decisions I have taken thus far, the principles that have produced those decisions have led me to this point. Crashed. Broken. Lost.

Were these principles flawed?

Maybe. Maybe not. But they were most definitely not Battle-tested.

This calm feels comforting somehow. I think I’m going to enjoy it for a few days. Before I start thinking again.

Until Next time.

God Help Me.